Sinnamon Love's Online Journal

This is where you will be able to read all my personal entries on my online diary, so you can see what has been going on in my life and what I have been up to.

Blog 226: Now Casting - Video Games and Porn
I am producing 2 pilots that will be pitched to both a major adult internet network and major adult cable network and am currently looking for 4 people that will become the hosts of these shows. If you are into Video Games or Love watching porn you could be my new star!

Castings are only open to local Los Angeles based residents...

Interested? Keep reading...

Are you a Gamer:
  • Do you LIVE for video games?
  • Does your girlfriend/ boyfriend/ friends accuse you of spending more time with your games than you do her?
  • Have you lost relationships because of your obsession with your game play?
  • Do you own more than one game console?
  • Do you run out to get the newest system or hot new games when it comes out?
  • Do you know so much about games that people have asked you if you work in a game store?

If you answered yes to most of the questions above, you may be just the person I am looking for! I am in pre-production for an internet show and am looking for male and female co-hosts for a new internet show that is all about video games. You would be hosting a show with a hot model chick, and could become an overnight celebrity doing what you love most... playing video games. This is your chance to tell the world what you think about the newest systems, games, hentai and RPG games.

Do you REALLY love porn?
  • Can you identify adult performers, (male and female,) by face?
  • Is you hard drive over stuffed with all sorts of videos, in different genres, by different companies?
  • Have you been watching porn for a long time - but have become more particular about the type of movies that you view, download or buy over the last few years?
  • Do you go to conventions to meet your favorite stars?
  • Can you watch a video and not fast forward through the dialogue?
  • Do you consider yourself a porn connessior?
  • Do you have regular monthly subscriptions to one or more porn sites?
  • Have you ever joined a website, been disappointed, and wished you could warn other people?

If you read these descriptions and thought, "that sounds like me!" this could be your dream opportunity. I am looking for 2 people, (male or female,) to co-host an internet show to review adult movies. Candidates should genuinely enjoy watching porn, and not afraid to let people know it. You should also be able to look at the movies not just as masturbatory material, but for content, continuity and casting. The show's hosts will be required to watch hours of movies, then tell viewers whether they recommend the movie or not, and should be able to eloquently convey their reasons why along with pros and cons they found on each title. This show is in the vein of Siskel and Ebert.

Qualified candidates for both shows should be well spoken, educated, witty and able to speak freely and intelligently about any subject - and not just porn or video games. The ideal candidate would be college aged or older individual with a variety of interests and strong viewpoints on social issues and current events. Movie Review candidates should be fluent in key players in the adult industry including talent, directors and companies - or be able and willing to learn (quickly.) Candidates for both shows should be passionate about the topic they are submitting for. On camera experience is not necessary, nor do you have to be model/ porn star pretty. I am looking for average, attractive (camera friendly,) everyday people for these shows. Nudity is not necessary. Personality is. Looking for someone that is young, (18-35,) that is well spoken and can be the face of these shows.

Female models or performers with websites to promote that genuinely LOVE video games are welcome to submit for this show. Non-industry females that are interested in reviewing movies or video games are also welcome to apply. Please note I am NOT looking for adult industry talent to review movies.

Now the catch...
you MUST
  • Be 18 years of age or older
  • Live local to Los Angeles or be able to travel to Los Angeles for taping every week. (I appreciate all the emails I've gotten from around the country - but this is a live show and you MUST live in the L.A. area.)
  • Be able to commit to a weekly show schedule
  • Be reliable

The show will only take a couple of hours of your time, 1 day a week, but you MUST be able to commit and be reliable. There is NO PAY at this time for these projects. Individuals that do this show will wind up being the face of their select show and will receive a ton of publicity. There will be compensation and possible merchandising later on down the line. Ideal person will want to become a household name associated their show and its topic and understand the potential that their minimal commitment to this show can bring.

Only serious replies will be considered... If you are NOT in Los Angeles, your email will be ignored.

Good Luck!
Blog 225: "And the winner, by a knock out is..."
    Current mood:  accomplished
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

I awoke this morning and quickly went through my luggage from the last 2 days and pulled the exact wardrobe that I shot in during our 36 hour lockdown for today's box cover shoot. Add to that a pair of jeans and a cute little top and bra and a couple of pairs of heels. Colin, one of the agency drivers arrived to pick me up. I arrived 15 minutes early even though we got lost. TGISunday - no traffic!

Adrianna was already there and in makeup when I arrived. I grabbed some Cranberry juice and a mini banana nut muffin from the kitchen and settled in. Katie, the makeup artist, is so sweet. She gave me this Elizabeth Arden stuff for my chaffed skin. Once in the chair, she knocked out my makeup fairly quickly then added curls to my hair. I immediately went to shoot my stills. It was cool.. they had a photo booth set up like the ones at the beach or in the mall and one by one we climbed into the "booth" and took pictures alone and with each of our castmates. It was a blast! Somehow, Adrianna and I both wound up half naked... While waiting for Penny to be finished I was lying with my head on Johnny's lap, checking emails on my phone when I glanced across the curved sofa and caught a glipse of Tyler, shirt open flipping through a Stuff Magazine. I suddenly had this visual of me, riding Johnny in a reverse cowgirl, sucking Tyler's cock... I just had to actualize...

So I unbuttoned Johnny's pants and started in on him. Tyler got up to walk away and I said "Uh uh.. You have to be a part of this as well!" I pulled down my jeans and sat on Johnny's lap... all the while, I unbuttoned Tyler's white linen pants and opened my mouth. Yeah... I'm bad. I decided it was time to switch... I don't remember what Tyler said.. but I do remember my telling him it was ok - to just put the head in. =)

The perv cam was found quickly as I was in full bloom - now on my knees, Johnny in my mouth and Tyler in my twat. I went at it for a few good solid minutes - until Ben (our photographer/ DP,) reminded us that my makeup was getting messy and we still had to shoot the group photos. =) I heard Johnny ask, "Did we even consent to this?" Of course not... ;-) I called out for Evan, who showed up in his furry tiger costume and put his tiger tail between his legs and into my mouth. Oh yeah... I'm a freak now. Hehehe! That was great...

I had my makeup touched up, we shot the group photos, laughed, giggled and had a great time. Its nice to meet a group of people that you can chill with and enjoy on a purely organic level.. regardless of the paycheck.

Off to edit this scene with Chris Charming for my site then I'll clean the house later before hitting the sack. I've missed Anthony online like twice - once last night and once this afternoon. =( Oh well, he'll be home in a few days... Too bad we can't have sex for 2 weeks.. I need to make sure her goes through 2 testing cycles before we start fornicating like rabbits again. =) Safety and health first!

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 224: Organized Chaos
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

I woke up this morning and the hosue was relatively quiet... All that changed quickly. After breakfast and showers myself and the other girls climbed into the makeup chair one after another to be made up for the day. I think my pretty girl pics from today are going to be really sexy. We had a household meeting. It was imperative that we laid out a plan of action for our randomness today. Out of all the sex yesterday - there was not one single one on one Boy/ Girl or Girl/ Girl scene. Not One! Our group liked each other SO much that we were always in 3somes, 4somes or Moresomes! Go figure!

So Penny decided that she really wanted Johnny.
Tyler said he wanted to kidnap me.
Evan and Adrianna disappeared together into a bathroom...

I missed everyone else's scene because Tyle and I were going at it for like an hour and a half to 2 hours. We started with me using my new vibrator, the OhMiBod. I showed how it works, plugged it into my iPod, played some Buddha Bar Cafe del Mar Vol 1, then started to play. Tyler came in and began to play with me... he grabbed this NJoy metal dildo and inserted it into my ass while I was bent over into doggie with the dildo already in my kitty. The vibrator pulsated to the beat of the music, Tyler brought me to climax over and over and over again... with his tongue, his hands the toys.. He decided to bypass my kitty and take me straight to the "a." Tyler and I went back and forth from oral to sex then back again. He even asked if I would sit on his face... straight up and smother him with my ass until he couldn't breathe. He poured lube on my cheeks so he could enjoy the way my skin felt while I was sitting there... We had so much fun playing.. that nothing else mattered... The crew left and we kept right on going... Until Tristan came and got us saying that there was a group confessional going on in the master bedroom upstairs. We all described the weekend in 1 word. Mine was Sex. =) Of course...

Tristan had told me in the confessional this morning that every Chemistry has 1 slut that outfucks everyone else...

Chemistry 1 had Mika Tan.
Chemistry 2 had Luscious Lopez.
Chemistry 3 had Jada Fire.
Chemistry 4 had Sinnamon Love.



We then went around and gave a more elaborate description of the weekend. I was happy that the group we had all really dug each other. There was no diva, no difficult people, everyone just wanted to fuck and have a good time.. and everyone was game for anything. We wound up fucking again for one last time in the California King-sized bed... All 6 of us. Well, Tyler manned the Perv Cam. Adrianna's kitty was sore so it was all anal for her. She and Evan demonstrated the Danish Suicide, (a 69 in which she is on top and upside down in a back bend - not facing the penis sucking cock while he is on the bottom licking her box. It was brilliant... I climbed over her and licked his balls.. sheer madness! All 3 of us ladies bent over on the edge of the bed and Evan and Johnny took turns going from one to the next. Somehow - insanity broke out, (With Evan around there is never a dull moment,) and the other ladies one by one left the bed... broken kitties with them. Johnny still hadn't cum for the 3rd time in the weekend, (see what getting there late gets you?) but he and I got down to business quickly. He entered me missionary, our eyes locked... When he finally burst, he coated my belly with his seed. We wrapped the shoot with the same bang that we started with...

Now, here's the thing. When the movie comes out, Vivid is going to have a contest where fans can vote for their favorite cast... the winners get to come back to do Chemistry All-Stars and gets to go to FIJI to play & film! ;-) Oh yeah! Don't worry... Chemistry 3 isn't even out yet so you have plenty of time before that happens.

All in all, I had a great weekend. I licked and sucked so much that my lips and the skin under them are super dry and chapped. They hurt!! Tomorrow I'm getting up early to reunite with the cast to shoot the box cover. I have this desire to play a little more even though my kitty hurts deep inside... Lol!

Tyler asked me how I manage to have so energy.

Easy. I feed off the energy of my partners.

If I'm turned on by someone, then I want them all the time.

Time for bed.

Nite all!

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 223: The Role of Mark Ashley Will Now Be Played By Johnny Sins
Current mood:  happy
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Johnny Sins

You know how in the soap operas a character will get swapped out without warning and they just expect you not to notice...? Not here at Chemistry 4! =) We give you plenty of advanced notice!! LoL!

Ok.. But seriously, when I arrived at the house yesterday, there had been a last minute cast change.. Mark Ashley was unable to join us and had been replaced by newcomer Johnny Sins. Johnny was already on another shoot yesterday, and wouldn't join us until nighttime... We all joked about how on reality shows there is always that one housemate that joins the group after everyone else has already bonded and has a hard time fitting in... Yeah.. Johnny had no problem at all! He and I got realy cozy last night... ;-)

So... Where to start..

Wait, Let me ask Tristan how much I can reveal in my blog...

Ok. Glad I asked that!! ;-)

I gotta be quick because the makeup artist just arrived and I am SO trying to go hit off Tyler really quick and wake him up before I get into makeup. hehehe!

There is so much to do... So much that's happened...
We started the day with a major violation.. Sex by the pool with Evan and Penny.
Followed by Penny and I doing mutual Pussy POV with the Perv Cam

Ok wait - I have to explain..
If you haven't seen Chem 1 & 2
Perv Cam = a small hand held camera that the cast gets to run around with to film random acts of sex going on.. or even to film sex going on that we film from our perspective.

Ok - back to the list...
Then we were supposed to have a meeting to get all the rules
and the structure of the non-structure of the house.
Which turned into an orgy

I reallllyyyy like Adrianna by the way.

Tyler was in the middle of a 69
while I was watching
and when the girl sat up on his face
I ran over
hopped on his cock
rode him
busted a nut
then ran off
Then Evan came in
and stuck his cock in her mouth
and ran off.

Then we had lunch
The Tyler and I ran off to a back bedroom to take a nap
which turned into sex
Adrianna came in with the perv cam
and then the crew came in with cameras
at some point Adrianna and I swapped Perv Cam
and she started blowing Tyler standing up
and wound up lying on the floor underneath them
getting the shot
Adrianna stuck her hand in my twat
and got me off
while I filmed them...

Then we had surprise guests!
Tristan invited this Tantra Couple/ Authors over for a demonstration.
They showed us some techniques and we got into a great conversation about what it takes to stay focused in the midst of a difficult scene.

Afterwards we needed to switch up the mood so Adrianna, Tyler and I hopped in the jacuzzi while Evan took a nap - Penny on Perv Cam.

What happened in the tub was just plain dirty...
Adrianna's foot wound up in my kitty while Tyler banged her.
then she put her feet on Tyler face and did some foot smothering and toe sucking.
Followed by a foot/ blow job...
* Imagine... Tyler's getting a FJ and I move in to blow him simultaneously.
We moved to the bed
Penny with a vibrator in one hand, Perv Cam in the other.
Tyler fucked to pop, then grabbed me and shoved his cock in my ass afterwards for 5 brief minutes.
All was impressed.

Emily, our handy dandy PA ran out for sushi for dinner.
Johnny arrived.
There was a brief BJ by Adrianna
Followed by much needed rest by all
We recapped the day for Johnny
there was a Tantra demo by Moi
Then I told a rather perverse story about a DP with myLove and his brother a month ago..
My giving Johnny a BJ in front of everyone

"Why wasn't she in my BJ movie?" Tristan asked.

Tyler, exhausted, went to bed.
So did Penny.
Our foursome moved to the back bedroom
There was anal by Adrianna
Squirting by me
Everyone was happy...
and went to bed.

I tried to get Tyler to come join me
but he was beat
and knew he couldn't "sleep" next to me.
Johnny agreed to sleep in the squirt with me
since he was the cause...

I took a long hot shower
washed my hair
Then climbed in bed to check MySpace.
Johnny and I started fucking
while everyone was asleep...
I loaned him my ass
I came
We thought of the Perv Cam
I got up
woke Tristan
asked where the cam was
went to the office
unplugged it
figured out the nightvision
we each operated the Perv Cam for a little POV
I squirted again.

Enter sleep.

Now its 9am day 2 and everyone has slwowly awakened.
Breakfast has been served...
Coffee is being drank
Makeup artist has arrived
Showers are being had
Soon... the house will be going full bloom again! =)

I am so looking forward to seeing what madness ensues today. hehe!
I can say one thing...

I am having a blast!

Stay tuned!

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 222: Mission: Chem004
Current mood:  horny
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

In less than 6 1/2 hours I will depart for an adventure in paradise...
I am leaving the comfort of my abode
For an entire 36 hours
To Fuck
And Suck
And Lick Box
And Spend the Night
With 5 other Porn Stars...
In an Undisclosed Location
In Porn Valley
For Tristan Taromino's
Chemistry 4
For Vivid Video....

My Castmates
Penny Flame

Adrianna Nicole

Tyler Knight

Evan Stone

Mark Ashley

and of course.. Yours Truly

So... I'm up late.
I haven't packed yet because I'm sitting up being a good girl and doing my homework... watching Chemistry 1 & 2. I have to admit... I am so excited about this weekend! I hear Mark has a huge one.. and I can't wait to tap that.. I believe that Adrianna Nicole is or was... Petal Benson. As in "the" Petal Benson. Like.. Petal Benson. =) If thats true.. I can't WAIT to fuck her... Penny Flame has a photos of my boy Murs on her page - so she's gotta be cool as hell. And of course, Evan Stone is just classic male porn star and yet somehow I've never fucked him. =)

The only person in the cast that I've been with before is Tyler Knight... I actually requested him [or Jean Claude, but Tyler was cast first...] so I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I asked if he'd be my bed buddy... and he agreed. hehe! The hardest part of this for me I think, is that I'm relatively shy... and submissive by nature (although my Domme half can come out in a heart beat,) and I don't know how I'm going to not just live with, but have sex with people I haven't met... I mean, its work - but the cool thing about chemistry is that there aren't any rules or scripts or positions and the only expectation is that you enjoy yourself. Ok... How does Sinnamon Love enjoy herself when she's off the clock.. Hmm...

My sex life is pretty wicked, dirty and perverse.. and I just wonder whether a house full of porn stars that don't know just how dirty I am are going to be okay with how insane I like my sex. I love sex. Its so natural and beautiful to be nasty and fun... *Sigh* I guess we'll see tomorrow!

But in the interim, I'd love to hear you guys suggestions as to what you'd like to see me do... I am not familiar with the other performers, so if you are, here's your chance to tell me what kind of stuff you'd like to see and who you want to see me banging... so I can make sure to fulfill your fantasies. =)

Ok... Its almost 2:30 and I gotta pack and sleep. I don't want to have my eyes all puffy tomorrow!

Blog 221: The Chase Continues: The Return of Cat and Mouse
Current mood:  flirty
Category: Romance and Relationships

I've tried writing this tale for the last two days...
But the hardest part is telling a story
and relaying enough details to entice and entertain
yet concealing enough to protect everyone's privacy.


Such is my life...

So let's see...
how to begin.

Hmm.. Can't tell you that.
That either.
no, that would reveal who it is..


I have to leave out all the good stuff!!! =)

Okay, I can tell you this...

So I found out that the Cat was in town
I can't say why...
because... well, you know.
Let's just say he had a job.
where was I.

So the Cat was in town on a job
and I wanted to see him so I made the call.
I went to my box cover shoot for this lesbian horror film I shot for Julie Simone at the beginning of the month.
The shoot ended early enough that I could have gone to see him
but he hadn't called me back
so guess what?
I stayed my ass at home.
At 2:30am I received a call
no sooner had I just emailed Anthony
and laid down to get some sleep...

"Why didn't I see you at the show tonight?"
"Hey there," I smiled
"I left you a message earlier but you never called me... and you have a situation, plus I had a shoot today so I decided not to go."
"Fuck that, You should have came. I always love seeing you."
I smiled... Damn he's good.

I hate this chase.
I know he wants to ask me to come over.
He knows he wants me to come over.
Sooner or later he'll get the point and just call when he lands and leave me a key at the front desk.

Damn that dick is good... =)

So He finally asks the single most important question of the moment
"How long have you been in bed?"
"Not long at all, my head just touched the pillow..."
"Would you like to come over?"
2nd most important question...
"Sure. Give me a minute to shower?"
"No probem. Call me when you leave. I'm at the __________ Hotel."

(Sorry, Can't say where because he's still there...)

Now, where was I...?
So I get up
climb in the shower
trim my girlie parts carefully with a razor
lather my skin
and brush my teeth
(Am I the only one that realized a long time ago that teeth feel cleaner when brushed in the shower?)

*Missed call while in the shower...

"Sorry I missed you... I wanted to shower really quick."
"No problem. I'm still running around. I'll call when I'm back in the room."

Then oil my skin
apply a little bit of makeup
and brush my hair.

Just as I was finishing up
the phone rang.

"I'm back... you can come now."
I looked at the clock
Its going to be a long night.

I called a taxi
Slipped into the cute little Black and gold foil Morphine Generation tank dress and my fav stilettos and into the back of a cab.

"I'm on my way."
"Cool. Can you stop and get some cigars?"
"No problem baby. Anything in particular?"
"No. Whatever you find."

I stop at 7-11 for cigars when I reached Hollywood and called him up...

"Swishers, Optimos or (enter third random brand.)"
"Yeah that's cool."

I'm so not into those kinds of cigars and therefore clueless...
I take a moment, look in my purse then ask the clerk...
"Can I have that box of Magnums please?"

Back in the taxi...
then pull into valet

I stepped out of the car and two tall Black men stop talking mid-sentence to watch me walk to the door.
As I reached for the handle one says,
"We could have gotten that door for you."
I turned and smiled...
"But you didn't."
And kept walking...

Then I realized I didn't know what room He was in.
I went to stop and call
but the stalker at the door had walked in and was heading my way...

I got on the elevator and went to the 2nd floor and got off.
I rang him.

"What room are you in?"
"_ _ _"
"See you shortly."

I got back on the elevator and went to his floor.
He greeted me with a soft, wet kiss.
"You look great."
"Thank you."
I set my purse on the desk
handed him the cigars
and the chain He'd left months ago
nevermind. =)

He offered me a drink
"I think its too late to be drinking," I laughed.
"What about a glass of wine?"
"Sure. Ok."
He went to the fridge
"How about Champagne?"
"That works. I think you can drink champagne at any hour and not be considered a lush."
He poured me a glass and sat on the bed.
We talked about his kids
my kids
"Why is it you never come to New York anymore?"
"I dunno. Everytime I plan a trip something happens."
I explained about the flight cancellation due to whether a month ago
"I think the next time we see each other it should be in New York."
That's where we met...
"We always get together in L.A."
"I know."
"I just bought an apartment in New York and I think you should help me christen it."

The girl in me was flattered.
The cynic is me laughed... like he isn't going to be all up in some kitty as soon as he gets settled in...

"My girl and I broke up."
"I thought you were engaged?"
"We were. Then we broke up. Then we got back together. Then we got into this fight. And then we broke up again a month ago. This is my first time here since it ended. She just called my cell a minute ago."

I changed the subject
told him I'd added new pics to MySpace
He opened the laptop and we looked.
I stood next to him
then behind him... holding his cigar to his lips while he looked at my photos.
he pulled me onto his lap
so I could show him more.
He started...
not quite grinding...
dancing maybe...
underneath me
then moved my hair
and kissed my neck
and then...

the phone rang.

not his cell phone
but the room phone.

I stood up so he could get it.
a bit tipsy off champagne and little food...
but there was no one there.

When he returned I was stuck in front of the television
watching Ciara's Like a Boy video for the first time
(I don't have cable and haven't seen a music video in forever unless its my favorites artists on YouTube.)

He moved behind me and wrapped his arms around me
"Why does it seem like she's trying to be Aaliyah to me?"
He kissed my neck
and reached his hand under my dress
and started caressing my kitty.
Instinctly, I arched my back.
his movements
I reached for the top of the television for balance.
Room dark... except for the light from the TV screen..
he lifted my dress,
unzipped his pants...
then moved swiftly to the bathroom to retrieve a condom.
When he returned
I was still in place
he slid the prophylactic on his member before he reached me
then once again pulled me close to him
and started roughly entering me from behind
standing there...
holding onto the television.


the phone rang.

not his cell phone
but the hotel room phone.

He pulled out of me
before he could get in good
[due to the awkward position]
and went to the bathroom to answer the phone.
I sat in the desk chair...
I reached for my glass and pondered
that it must be His Significant Other.


Before I could even get any...
Oh well,
such is life.

I overheard the conversation...
"Hey. Oh its you. What time do you leave tomorrow? 6:20? Ok. No problem. I'll speak to you then."

I never turned my head...
stuck in between tipsy and horny
as he hung up the phone
I could hear another condom wrapper open

"That was _____ ______."

The sexy British Chanteuse that had attended his show earlier in the night and he'd just been hanging out with in her room, (with her beau,) that I love dearly had just turned into an unwitting cock-blocker.

I giggled.
"That's cute."
Only in my life...

He reached out for my hand and led me to the bed...
laid me down and climbed in between my legs.
He pulled the white sheets and comforter around us
his brown skin
my black dress
surrounded in a sea of pure white.

My body called for his
He entered me
We floated on clouds
basking in the glow of our new-found freedom.
I purred
He grabbed me
We paused...
then continued
reaching climax together.

Usually he grabs me, falls asleep and wo't let me go.
This time it was different..
The phone rang again.
Once again, no one.

"Are you hungry? Lets go eat."
"I mean I'm not.. but if you want something I'd be happy to go."

a pause...

"You know what I think? I think we should go to your place."
Misunderstanding his words I say
"I can do that."
"No, I said 'WE.' I want to come with you."

I looked at him.

"I just don't like this. I don't like drama and I feel like there will be if we stay."

I looked at him again.

"I should go."
I kissed him and sat up reaching for my shoes.
"No, No... Not like that. I don't want you to just come over, fuck me and leave."
"Its okay."

He got out of bed.

"Let's go eat."
"Ok. I don't know what would be open at this hour..." I said as I zipped the back of my shoes.
"We can go to Mel's Diner."
"Ok. Then if we are going to eat I need to go make sure I look decent."

I reached for my makeup bag and headed for the bathroom.
I powdered my face
added some lipliner
and lip gloss
brushed my hair.

As I walked away from the vanity he met me with a pad of paper from next to the phone.
"Tell you what, I'm coming to your place. Look at me, I'm sorry. I'm just inviting myself over. Is that okay with you?"
"Yes, that's fine. Of course you can come over."

[I start wodering to myself, "How dirty is my place?"]

"Here write down your address."

I wrote it down along with cross streets and gave him a hug.
I grabbed my purse and gave him a hug

"Baby, If you can't come by, its okay. I understand. We can get together another time."
"No, I'm coming over."

I walked out of the room
half expecting to be bombarded by either
the angry ex-girlfriend
or paparratzi
when I left the room
but I was able to safely get down the elevator
and to valet without hassle.


I made it home and straightened up a little.
Thank goodness I'm not too messy. =)

Tired, and well fucked
I sent him a text message

"Going to bed. Call me."

I awakened at 11:30a
to his name on my cell phone

"Hey. I want to apologize for this morning."
"Its ok. Things happen."
"No, but that's not what I wanted to happen. I wanted you here."
"You'll just have to make it up to me."
"I know. I will. For sure."
"Did you get some sleep at least?"
"No. I'm about to now."

Damn. That's fucked up... poor thing.

"Oh my... Did it get crazy after I left?"
"Yes. But its over now."
"Well get some rest. How long are you in town for?"
"3 days."
"Ok. Then there's plenty of time."

We said our goodbyes and I got out of bed.

This is the story of my life...
Tabloid worthy
but I refuse to sell out.

But I swear...
If people only knew. =)

I'm still high on the idea that I was cock-blocked by my favorite singer.

Like Anthony said..
"Only you Sinn."

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 220: Baby Pics
Me, My Mom, and My Babydoll

Special thanks to my little cousin JJ for emailing me this pic!
Blog 219: When I was 15
Category: Life

When I was 15
I was brilliant
and I just knew...
that my mother was wrong.
About everything.
And everyone.
From the way I wore my hair
To the clothes I picked out to wear.
And I was pretty much always right
back then.

When I was 15
I was a junior in high school
I met McKinley Jolly
And thought I was deeply in love...
Janet Jackson's Rythym Nation 1814
was the soundtrack to my life
And her song Someday is Tonight would mark
a night I'd never forget.
I remember laughing at McKinley
as he tried to ice skate
on our first date
just because he knew I was a figure skater.
Ice cream in the park
on a freezing winter night
meeting his mom...
15 was so innocent
so beautiful.

When I was 15 I knew it all
I knew I would grow up to be a writer
I dreamed of living in New York
and visiting Paris
and sitting on the beach
in some tropical paradise
under a cabana
writing poetry
drinking champagne...
I knew I wanted a family
I knew I wanted love
I knew I wanted freedom...
and I knew I would stop at nothing
to achieve my goals.

When I think of me at 15
and all the things I did
and all the things I said
and I look back at my 2 girlfriends
Athena and Shakira
that I shared almost every moment with
the long nights on the phone
3way calling our boyfriends
so all 6 of us could talk together
making plans for the movies
at Showcase Cinemas...
Shopping at Merry Go Round
reading Shakespere in class
my first fight with a boyfriend
my first heartbreak...
it makes me
Then afraid..
because I realize
that YOU
my darling
are no longer
mommy's little girl.

You are 15.

At 15 I got a part time job
after school and on the weekends.

At 16
I graduated high school
Then moved out of my parent's house
Got my own apartment
Then moved to L.A. to live with a boyfriend.
and started college.

At 17 I married your father.

At 18 I gave birth to you...

When I think of you at 15
At the age where everything changed for me
When I started to know who I was
and where I wanted to be
and just how I came into my own being
it terrifies me
To think that my baby is that same age...
the age when I lied to my parents
so I could sneak into the Copa
to dance with older guys
and drink beer
and stay out all night
with my best friend in tow...

I scares me to know
that there are decisions you will make at 15
that you may not have made at 12
and didn't consider making at 9
and couldn't have fathomed making at 6...

I look at you,
knowing that you are
a blessing
a good person
with a big heart
and a pleasant disposition...
but that doesn't prevent me
from worrying about the choices you'll make.

Now I understand
the heavy reigns
my mom tried to pull tight
why she tried to lock me in the tower
and keep the dragons away.

But I see you
for the young woman you are.
I respect your mind
and your heart.
And although
I will never let you bring harm
to yourself
to your body
to your spirit...
I want you to know
that I set my baby bird free
to try your wings for the first time.

I know that despite
the dreams I may have for you
or who your father may want you to be
that you have to live
and grow
and experience life
for yourself.

Just like when you were 8 months old
and had to bump your head
for the first time
as you learned to walk
I have to let you learn
who you are
not who we'd have you be
so you too can become a strong woman.

My only desire
is that you educate your brain.
Protect your temple.
Guard your heart.
Explore your soul.
Cherish your life.
Honor your promises.
Remember... your lineage.

While thinking of you
reminds me of myself at 15
I know that you are your own person
flesh of my flesh
but not me.

And for that...
I send you into the world
with my love
and guidance
and wisdom
and my hopes
and prayers.

But know
that if you need me
I am always here.

And though you are not
a little girl anymore
you will always be
my little girl.

And with that...
I wish you
Happy Birthday.

love, Mom.
Blog 217: Insomnia

almost 5am
can't sleep
but my brain won't shut down.
Not thinking of you
though that'd be nice..
a distraction
just working away
trying not to focus
not to think
just wish...
I could sleep.
But alas
and sigh
that is a dream that won't come.
So instead
I sit
and write to you
wondering if
you'd entertain
the idea of me
were you awake
and couldn't sleep.

~*~ Sinny ~*~

Blog 216: Sample Photos from My Shoot with Christine Kessler
Yes... I was a busy, busy girl this past week! I managed to sneak in a shoot with one of my favorite photographers, Christine Kessler of on Thursday night. This shoot was totally impromptu but was designed primarily to get brand new images for my agent for bookings. Of course, we weren't just going to shoot a handful of pics, so we bucked down and shot 4 sets! Sutan, the world's best makeup artist, did my makeup and I added a ton of little curls to my hair to make the look perfect. It has been so long since I did a real photo shoot, that I swear I forgot how to pose! Lol! Usually on porn sets, there are porno poses 1-10, its not like a "real" shoot where sensuality is just as important as showing off your parts.. Either way, the photos came out fabulous! Since I can only upload 4 images on my blog, I am posting one from each set that we shot that day to give you an idea of what to expect in the coming weeks on the site! :)

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Attached images:
Blog 215: Sinnamon Loves Orpheus (More Sample Pics!)
On Friday, May 18th I had an amazing fire play shoot with Orpheus from Cirque de The shoot was truly amazing.. and I couldn't help but submit to the flame. I gave the most intense orgasms as Orpheus tied me up and literally brushed my skin with the lit calligraphy brushes. Vanessa Blue shot these images for us as well as a full length video. I can't wait to get the video back so I can add it to the site! Orpheus and I have already discussed a 2nd shoot and possibly a live show! The fire was so sensual, I would have never imagined being so drawn to something like this before. ;-)

I've been spending the last few days editing images and have about 20 samples done already. Here are a few of my favorites to share with all of my fans!

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Attached images:
Blog 214: Sample Photos from Shoot!
Hey there! Yesterday I had a killer shoot with Jeff and Alex the team behind The shoot was really cool and laid back, I turned on a little Amy Winehouse and reminisced about a night with my current crush, Anthony. :) I loved every twist and turn of the shoot and of course, my ear buds kep popping out when I moved on the bed... We shot some video as well and I should get the photos within a week and the video within 2 weeks for my site. I'm so stoked!

Enjoy the pics below!

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Attached images:
Blog 213: AdultFYI's coverage on my appearance on Fetish at Nite!
The last few days have been maddening... I will have photos and a full write up to follow - but for now, please check out Gene Ross' write up on Adult FYI regarding my appearance on Orpheus' Fetissh at Nite on Primetime Uncensored last night!
Blog 212: "The Courage to Change the Things I Can"

I heard the serenity prayer a lot as a kid.. Not because anyone I knew was going through the 12 steps, not to my knowledge at least... but just because. I swear it was embroidered on a pillow at one of my grandparent's house, probably mounted on a wall... I don't recall the first moment I heard it, I just remember it was always there.

It wasn't until my 2nd semester in college that I really understood what those words meant. I was taking a class in interpersonal communication - where the flaws in speech were discussed in order to help us in how we deal with others. The professor explained that not just words and intonation can effect how you, and your words, are perceived by another person - but that the intent behind your words have just as great an impact. It was there that I had the most pertinent revelation of my fledgling adulthood...

Often times, in the midst of an argument, in an effort to get your point across in a civil manner you began to explain to the other party how their words or action effected you by saying, "you make me feel ______ when you do this." I learned in this class that this is one of the biggest mistakes we can make in rendering communication ineffective. The bottom line is... no one can make someone else feel any particular way - regardless of their actions. You may feel anger, sadness, pain or even happiness as a result of something that happened - but those are your emotions alone - only you can control them. No one can "make" you feel, think or do anything. Taking responsibility for our emotions, even in the midst of an argument with a friend, co-worker or loved one is difficult... But it is one of those things that is the difference between being an adult and shirking the responsibilities of one.

After that class, I came to realize, that ultimately, the only thing I can control is myself. I have no control over anyone or anything in this life. I take full responsibility for me - and all that entails. If I want to eat, I know that I have to prepare a meal. If I want a roof over my head, I have to go out and work. I don't count on any one person or entity doing what is best for me. I don't make myself sick with worry about what someone else is or is not doing... and in that, I know that I will always be okay.

I got into a conversation yesterday with my agent, who I consider to be a close friend, about my, and other ladies at the agency's refusal to let go and let the agency run our careers. I listened to her, considered what she said, and expressed my own view. Instead of being "one of those girls" that calls whining when there is no work, I take matters into my own hands. If I'm told I need new photos, I get them. When I'm asked about wearing a wig in a photo shoot to give a different look, I got extensions. When go-see's are brought up, I try to insure that I will look my best in order to make the trip worth it - even if it means delaying it a week.

I do my part...

This photographer that they wanted me to shoot with was a nightmare. His work wasn't even that amazing... but then he canceled because of location. Then he wanted to reschedule so he could use a friend's location - under the condition that the friend be able to photograph me as well... the same day. :Rolls Eyes: Then I had to cancel due to a paid gig... And now he's unavailable for the rest of the month.

So you know what I did? While chatting with my Steen on IM yesterday about a project I'm consulting on for Playboy that she is shooting I asked her if she could shoot. She agreed. She was already shooting Ninn Worx director Lorraine Sisco (aka Tall Goddess,) at the Standard Hotel later in the day, and said I could come by late to shoot. My fav makeup artist, Sutan would be there and all I'd need to do is give him something for makeup. I arrived at the hotel, grabbed champagne from the diner for Sutan and I, and headed upstairs to the room. They still had 2 sets to shoot for Lorraine, but it was nice catching up with Sutan in the interim.

Sutan did a rush job on my makeup like he did back in the old days of doing Black hair shows. ;-) I looked fabulous.. He had to run out to meet friends at a bar, so I was left to do my hair. He left me his curling iron and hair spray and I knocked it out. I put a ton of curls in my hair and added a glamourous feel to the gorgeous look he'd already created. Steen and I went through wardrobe and we pulled 4 sets. In a matter of a couple of hours we kocked out all the sets - one of which I'm really looking forward to. In it, I have on this sheer black top with black, pink and purple beaded embroidery, black sheer bra and panties on a silver sofa. I just know those are going to be my favorite set. We also shot in the bathroom, which was tiled orange and looked amazing against my skin. One of the sets was pretty hilarious, I had on these vintage pointed toe Vans sneakers that apparantly are really big with sneaker fetishist. I can't wait to see those as well!

I'll get my first set of samples from Steen in a few days... then I'll send them over to my agent. Hopefully, that will eliminate that need. Then, there will be no excuses as to why they can't do their job... I believe in making proactive solutions so others can do their jobs, but I also believe in protecting my own interests. I don't feel like I know better than my agent because I have been in the business longer - but I do believe in making sure that there are enough bookings on the table each month - regardless how small, in order to meet expenses.

I was appalled by the suggestion that I "stop taking trade gigs," because they cost me money... because that would mean not running my website, an intregal part of my empire. :-) It seems to me that so often, there are those that don't fully understand what it means to run the business of a performer in its entirity - and yet they always have suggestions on how to do it better.

Being a performer means:

  • performing in videos
  • doing photo shoots for magazines and internet
  • doing interviews
  • doing public appearances
  • creating, running and maintaining a web presence
  • direct marketing to fans

Its not "just" performing in videos. When I heard my agent/ friend tell me that I "sit up going through add requests on myspace instead of getting rest when I'm sick," I knew she didn't get it... With over 25,000 friends over the age of 18 on my friend's list, if only 5% of those people convert into members for my website, then I'm doing a good job. When I do trade shoots with my photographers to produce photo and video content for my site, on days when I'm not booked for paid gigs, then I'm doing what's necessary to maintain my website. When I spend hours in the middle of the night editing video and photoshopping images for my site, I'm doing what's necessary to update content for the site... I'm working - not playing around.. and as someone who's life is built around work - I thought she'd get that.

I'm an adult, with a family to support and a business to run, not some 18 year old kid for whom all this is fun and games. I have a small support staff, not a full team behind me, yet instead of bitching and complaining and being compliant I manage to pull through... By working smart, hard and being diligent.

Just as my argument online was reaching a pinnacle, I received a pleasant bit of relief. .. Anthony emailed me from his cafe in Brazil. Poor thing, he woke up with a little 24 bug from the climate change and had slept most of the day. Yet there he was, a little after midnight, emailing me so we could chat. I switched on my Gmail chat and we IMd for about 45 minutes. He just wanted to "read my words" before he went back to bed. He made me smile, I calmed down, and we shared a moment. PMS kicked in, (I should be starting in a few days,) and I got a little teary-eyed when he typed that he needed to go back to the apartment to lie down. I laughed at myself, myLove always says that I'm such a punk. Lol! I am... I am so senstive, and at "that time" of my moon cycle I become this weepy, emo girl that takes on everything with an emotional slant.

I make the best decisions at that time.. Sometimes a little pressure makes me a stronger person. I am in the midst of laying the foundation for a major professional coup... I need to decide if my agency is really the best place for me. I don't think we are on the same page. I am pulling together my production calendar for the month of June along with my travel calendar. I was angry yesterday for a few brief moments, because my "team" doesn't have the same goals for me as I do. Maybe its time to part company... I don't know. I'll figure it out over the new few weeks.

We'll see...

At least for now, myLove is home from his trip and Anthony is being wonderful from Brazil and looks forward to seeing me when he returns. At least the men in my life are acting accordingly... ;-)

Tonight I am going to be a part of Footnight LA, a foot fetish party in Downtown L.A. I absolutely MUST go off to the spa to get my peds perfectly manicured for tonight. Tomorrow, I'm being set on fire... Seriously! Orpheus and I will be doing a fire play bondage shoot for my site tomorrow, then I'm appearing on both his show, Fetish and Nite and Vanessa Blue's Show Blue at Nite on Primetime Uncensored.

Sunday I am shooting for Jeff at I'm anxious... I think it will be an amazing shoot. I am going to get images and video for my site as well.

I am building a wish list of talent to shoot with for the site, both male and female... and I will be posting a poll on who you'd like to see me shoot with on the site for next month. :-)

Off to the shower then the spa. My nails are atrocious! How the hell am I going to do foot worship with nails that look like this? If you are in L.A. and are into Foot Fetish be sure to RSVP for Footnight L.A. for tonight

Enjoy your day! And look for pictures from last night's shoot over the weekend. :)

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 211: Photos from Office Freaks 2

I love when a plan comes together... :)

Tonight Bishop (Get it Done Digital,) emailed me a handful of photos from our shoot for Office Freaks 2 (West Coast Productions,) from last Friday. Missed my post shoot wrap up? Be sure to read all the sorrid details... :-) If you did, then you're two steps ahead and you should enjoy these photos of Melrose Foxxx, Ethan Hunt and Myself gearing up to get down and dirty. :-P


At the desk...

Showing Melrose Foxxx a thing or two

Giving my "husband" a lapdance... my co-star, Ethan Hunt.

Just me...

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 210: They Call it Puppy Lust
What to talk about...?

Anthony left for Brazil this morning. Its kinda scary but I've thought of him a few times today. Not that I shouldn't expect it. We've spent like... SO much time together the last few weeks. We're in the Honeymoon phase... he's slept over at least 7 times in the last 2 weeks - not counting the days I spent in the hospital. Not that all our time has been spent in bed! We've admitted that we like each other. Its cute. :-) Much like he came to my aid while I was in the hospital, I came to his on Saturday. I picked up a book he wanted to give his mom for Mother's Day while he was stuck on set, and set about doing a little designer gift wrapping for him. I also scoured CVS for an appropriate Mother's Day card and picked up shampoo and conditioner along with a 36 ct. box of Magnum's and a 12 ct. box of Magnum XLs for his trip to Brazil.

Yeah - I make a great girlfriend. :-)

He didn't get off work until 2:30am and came to me at nearly 3:30am to pick up his mom's gift and the remainder of the things I packed up for him. He also brought me the cable for his iPod shuffle so I could load it with 250 songs for a playlist I created for his flight. While he paid his car note online, I fixed him coffee and helped put together some paperwork he needed to leave his business partner for shoots while he was away. I helped him pack, he reveled in how I'm "Almost perfect," because of little things like how I have cream in the fridge for coffee and how I always have on matching bra and panties... and seem not to have big panties at all. Lol!

He left at 5:30am to go home, finish packing his clothes and meet the director he was traveling with for an 8am call time. Before he left, we stood with his hands supping my face, my arms behind my back at first, locked in a very sweet kiss. That wasn't enough... we hugged like two long term lovers unable to say goodbye. Our affinity towards one another apparent, it was hard saying goodbye at first. I walked him to the car, we kissed again, my arms wrapped around his neck this time, his around my waist... in the garage until finally we shook it off and he got in the car. He called to let me know he made it to the airport on time, then called me back an hour later to wish me a Happy Mother's Day - playfully ordering me to get some sleep. When I woke up later this morning, I began my day, calling him around 4pm to make sure he got into Atlanta safely.

"How'd you know I had landed already?"

"Its only a 4 1/2 hour flight to Atlanta."

"See... I can't even sneak out of town on you. You travel to much."

I laughed...

"We just landed but we aren't off the plane yet. The pilot must have hit something because they can't get the door open. So they are moving us to another gate."

After realizing the group was sitting with him, I tried to be respectful and get off the phone with you.

"I better let you go.. We can't be sitting here cupcaking on the phone while you're on the plane. The guys will be like, 'This cat.. on his way to Brazil and can't get off the phone with his girl.'"

"Look at you! Using the terminology right and everything!"

We said our goodbyes and he promised to call before her flew out to Rio De Janerio.

But of course... all this honeymooning going on couldn't stop the flow. We texted each other, him making sure I stopped working to enjoy my day, my making sure he got that neck pillow for the long flight. At one point after hanging up, I texted him saying, "You have me cake basting like I'm sweet or something... lol!" His reply?

"UR sweet to me. Besides good girls are always sweet to their daddy."

:-D So cute... but how the hell can HE be myDaddy when I already have one?!

But he makes me smile.

I called just as he had boarded to flight, Anthony promising to call when he landed.

Dammit I think I like him a little bit. ;-) Hahahaha!

The rest of my day was peaceful. I did some writing, sured my favorite music sites, an tried to limit the amount of work I did. That was difficult. Everyone knows I'm a workaholic. Tomorrow its back to a normal work day in front of the computer. I may be taking a trip this week. I'm trying to put it together tomorrow.

I'm sitting here just typing away - keeping myself busy with friend requests and other benign duties until Anthony calls. They should be landing just about now... Who knows how long it will take for them to clear customs. I just want to make sure they are safely in Brazil then I can crash out for the night. :-)

New relationships are nice. He asked me recently if I would be "here" when he got back. I told him I didn't know... But this little time apart will be lovely to help determine just how long I'll want it to last.

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 209: Another day in the office... aka Sinnamon Love the Professional

Candid Shot - Set Rule #1 - Turn off all cell phones before shooting begins.

First Pretty Girls... then I get to have torrid sex on this desk.

Cell Phone Photos taken by Ethan Hunt
On the Set of Office Freaks 2 for West Coast Productions

So merely 19 hours after being sprung from the hospital, I was on the set of Office Freaks 2 for West Coast with one of my fav directors, Bishop (of Family Business fame,) at the helm. Bishop had a cancelation a few days ago, a no show, no call from a well know female performer. Ethan was to be the male talent - and since he (of frequent blog appearances under his civilian name,) and I have become quite close he requested that I be his co-star. I jumped at the chance to get back into the saddle as quickly as possible... knowing that despite my recent illness, he knows my body well enough to know if something isn't right and ease up. Respect and non-verbal communication can be the key to making a difficult scene go smoothly...

And it did, at first.

Ethan was put to the test with 1 really long scene that was made up of 2 seperate Boy Girl scenes.

Scene description:

Ethan is staying late at work having a fling with his hot office co-worker Melrose Foxxx. He and Melrose have just finished when the scene opens and she is raring to go again. He tells he no, as his wife, (yours truly,) is meeting him for dinner shortly. She begs for 10 more minutes. He concedes..

A knock on the door interrupts their tryst, and Ethan quickly dresses, pulls it together, and opens the door to find his wife with long stem roses in hand and a stylish black trench. Soon after, I remove my coat, revealing the sexiest little black and white polka dot bra and panty with feathers at my cleavage both front and back... and a black waist cincher. I sit him at his bosses' desk, give him a sultry strip tease, the kind wives give... all through his objections - as he knows his mistress is still hiding in the other room.

And thus begins the hardcore. Staying in character was easy; Lots of passionate kissing, lots of sloppy oral, lots of clawing and scratching and name calling. Boy! The things that came out of my mouth are going to get me in SOOOOO much trouble when myLove sees it. While balls deep inside me on the floor with my rear high in the air, Ethan asked, "Is this mine?" And I agreed. When prompted to "Cum for Daddy," not only did I, but I called him that which is reserved for myLove!

I'm so fucked. :-)

I was a bad, bad, bad girl...

It was a little obvious that we were really comfortable together. From the moment we took glamour still photos for the box together to the moment he entered my ass sans lubrication. We shifted from one position to the next banging out 2 vag and 3 anal in no time.

Then... the problems started.

Ethan couldn't cum.

Part of it was a phone call he took earlier.

Part of it... I could tell, was that he'd feel me start to climax and wanted just that last one out of me. We struggled, but I assisted - until 2:30am. A scene that started at 10:30p lasted 4 hours. We fucked, I sucked, we kissed, we made out...

We finally took a 10 minute break so he could use the restroom and collect himself and that was all it took...


A huge load in my mouth. Swallowed, of course. :-)

I'm such a good little slut when I want to be. Lol!

I can't wait until its finally released. I was so excited that I shared (most of) the details with myLove this afternoon. (Who by the way said if I wasn't fucking with that guy I wouldn't have gotten sick. hehehehe!)

Bishop says that in a few days I can get photos to share on my blog from the shoot. I can't wait to show you guys! :) I hope you enjoy the photos above. They were taken with Ethan's cell phone and the video lights kinda blew out the small lens. But at least you get a little feel for the movie. And yes, that's the actually desk used in the scene by Ethan and I.

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 208: Le Petit Mort

It sounds so sexy doesn't it... Le Petit Mort. Yet this phrases meaning, the little death, while it is a beautiful way to describe a sexual orgasm, sounds slightly terrifying. The thought that sex can lead to death - no matter how tiny or momentary, is something that sounds like you'd want to avoid at all costs if you could... If you were a normal human being that is...

But who's to say what "normal" really is?

Wikipedia explains the origins of Le Petit Mort as such:

The little death is a translation from the French "la petite mort" (Le Petit Mort/Le Petit Morte/La petite morte), a popular reference for a sexual orgasm. The term has generally been interpreted to describe the postorgasmic fainting spells [1] some lovers suffer from. Also it can refer to spiritual release that come with orgasm, or a short period of transcendence, an expenditure or spending of life force.

Speculations to its origin include current connotations of the phrase, including

  • Greco-Roman belief that the oversecretion of bodily fluids would "dry out" one of the believed four humours, leading to death
  • Islam's reference to sleep
  • Folk superstition that during medieval France, only midgets were capable of experiencing orgasm, which would inevitably lead to their death.

I had my own little death this week. If we've learned nothing else from my life, sometimes out of extreme pleasure there must be extreme suffering... this we know. I don't mind a little suffering.. it makes us stronger and hopefully we take from it lessons that will help shape the remainder of our life, and choices as a result.

Last week, I started feeling a little under the weather... by Sunday, the illness had taken began to invade every aspect of my being. When I woke up Monday morning my spirit was paralyzed... My fever was extremely high and I couldn't stop shivering. I tried to drink a little water, used the restroom and pulled my comforter a little tighter around my bed. I couldn't get warm... I drifted to sleep but tossed and turned. Then the ain in my right side became sharp, stabbing and throbbing. I managed to rock myself to sleep after awhile...

This process would repeat over the morning and throughout the day... No work would get done today - I was really, really ill. Once in awhile I would hear my voice barely escaping my lips saying, "Its so cold," but I couldn't form other words or sentences. At 3:30pm I realized it wasn't getting better but in fact worse. The shivering had stopped and I was able to get out of bed completely. I went to the restroom, grabbed my thermometer I'd left on the coffee table and tried to check email. A few minutes later I was shocked.

My temperature read 102.8.

Time to go to the hospital.

It wouldn't be that easy though... I was home alone and every man I knew was working.. My downstairs neighbor Nikoma wasn't picking up the phone yet. I'd was too sick to drive.. so I called a cab and tried to dress myself without falling over. I pulled on a pair of boy shorts, sweat pants, a wife beater and found my favorite comfy zip up hoodie to ward off how cold I was. Trying to get dressed, I noticed a whole new symptom, my sense of smell had become extremely acute. The dresser top full of perfume bottles that I treasure and adore smelled like I had broken a bottle on the floor.

I could barely walk downstairs to the car. When I arrived at the hospital I had thm bring me a wheelchair. I explained my symptoms, had my vitals checked and waited for a room with a bed. Every hour or so they'd check my vitals again. The shivering started up once more... and I couldn't stop them. I felt like I was dying. At its worst, my fever spikedto 103.5. They found me a bed in the ER.

The doctor's process was simple:
Pregnant? - No.
STD? - No.
Drugs? - No.
Domestic Violence at Home? - No.

Then they began to look at my recent medical history. I had a mini ultrasound wight there in the ER to rule out any complications from my surgery 6 months ago... Nothing. The drew blood, sent it to the lab, manually palpated my body and told me what I feared most - they suspected it was my kidneys.

In the meantime, I would start shivering, then crying, then I'd fall asleep... One nurse told me she didn't understand why I was so cold - as the hospital was really hot and it was 100 degrees outside.

When the labs came back their suspicions were confirmed.

"We want to admit you. You have a kidney infection and your fever is just entirely too high. We have to get it down."

I conceded. They plied me with drugs and sent me to the Oncology ward where'd I'd spent my recovery from surgery last November. I was immediately given an IV bag of fluids and shortly after I was started on IV Antibiotics. The chills were just awful... I start bawling everytime they started because I just couldn't get them under control. The nurses would try to take my blankets - convincing me that they were kepping my fever up. But try telling that to a freezing man on an iceberg...

I texted myLove, Anthony, my mom, Kitten, Alina, Shakira and a few others of import to let them know I was staying. The next few days I'd find out that e-coli was the culprit (bacteria) that started this whole nightmare. Every 2 hours someone would wake me to take my vitals (blood pressure and temperature,) and every 6 hours someone would come in to give me a fresh bag of antibiotics that'd take an hour to run its course. Residents would make their rounds several times a day, including at 6am - and I'd always manage to ask a few questions that were seared into my brain.

(Why don't the doctor's in hospitals look like the ones on Grey's Anatomy? That would have been hot.)

That first day, Anthony drove down in the midst of his day from the West Valley. I handed over my keys and remote and he went to my place to get my cell phone charger. (Note to self: next time? Have him bring the laptop too.) He returned, sat with me for a few, told me I smelled like hospital bed and medication. I jokingly tried to get him to slide his hand under the blanket.

"You are really in the hospital dude."

He made me smile, kissed my cheeks and genuinely looked worried about me. He'd be my primary life line over the next few days... texting me throughout the day to keep me company. My desire for sex came back as soon as I started to feel better. Lol!

The first 2 days I didn't have an appetite at all... then I realized that with the exception of miso soup at midnight on Sunday, I hadn't eaten in 3 days. I was starting to feel much better and the fever had subsided to a minimum. The doctors had promised if I were on IV antibiotics for 48 hours and could hold down food I could go home with antibiotics by mouth. I knew I'd better start eating.

The dietician had ordered a vegetarian meal plan for me and the spinich quiche looked good... but that first lunch all I managed to down was a single spoonful of cereal. Lunch was no better.. I ate 2 bites of a salad. Dinner I got wild a crazy and ate an entire jello cup and slice of orange! LoL! I stared at my full plates with frustration. I really, really wanted to eat. But I just couldn't get it down.

That afternoon I had a horrible episode. I was on the phone with my sister Mickey to explain my hospitalization and I started to shiver. I thought it wasn't going to be that bad, but within minutes my tears stung hot on my cheeks. I called for the nurse. She took my temp, 102.3, it had spiked again. She explained what was happening...

"With this infection, your metabolic rate drops and you start shivering, that's when your fever is starting to go up. If you don't let us know right away, we can't ward off the fever. You HAVE to let us know immediately so we can give you meds so it doesn't soike high like this. Because once it does, it will take longer to get it under control."

My responses were slow and stuttered. I couldn't verbalize freely. I was terrified that I was reduced so quickly to bated breath and a speech impediment. The nurses were patient, gave me a tylenol 3 with codeine for the pain and high fever and left me to get it together. I fell asleep quickly letting the medication take over. The rest of the day was smooth... then that night, it happened again. This time, I shivered for over 40 minutes while the night nurse assisted two doctors with a procedure. By the time she got to me, my fever was 102.8 and climbing - and the shivering had stopped and I'd fallen asleep. I was terrified that I was about to die. I made it through the night without incident. When the doctor came in at 6am I requested that they put me on an automatic schedule for analgesics, (pain/ fever meds,) as the nurses at night seem to be a bit slow at the draw to respond. He did.

That morning at breakfast, I ate 3 bites of a pancake and drank an apple juice then went back to sleep. But then... it happened. I woke up STARVING. My new friend Corey came to visit me on his lunch break. He went down to the cafeteria and brought me back a turkey burger with cheese, lettuce, pickles, onions, tomatos, the works, (my first choice a veggie burger was out today.) That first bite was paradise. It felt so amazing I had to set it down and stare for a moment. My mouth watered, a moan escaped my lips causing Corey to laugh.

"Do you need me to get someone for you?"

I devoured every last drop of that burger.

"Omigod. That was better than sex."

He understood.

The tides changed quickly. I took my first shower since Sunday, brushed my hair and braided it back, brushed my teeth, lotioned my face and body and started feeling 100% better. I managed through the day afebrile. It was the best feeling in the world. I turned on the TV for the first time and found out about the fires in Griffith Park - not 15 minutes from my place. I called my apartment building to let them know I hadn't forgotten to tender rent, I was just in the hospital with no known release date. I called a few people I hadn't called yet to let them in on the insanity of my predicament. Feeling better and bored, I started taking photos and video clips of myself in my hospital bed... including on clip that I emailed to Anthony of me playing with my kitty in my hospital gown and mesh hospital issued panties. So sexy! Lol!

Warning, no makeup - in hospital gear...

He never got the clip, it was too big to go through. I did amuse myself however for a few hours trying to get the angle and lighting right with my cell phone. I called Vanessa Blue to cancel my appearance on her show for Friday. While speaking to my friend Len, He enlightened me that it was Wednesday. Huh.. I'd been in the hospital for 3 days. Go figure. Everything was a blur of pills and white lab coats and IV bottles. The doctors tricked me... telling me I'd have to get through 24 hours afebrile, (without fever,) and they'd let me go home.

I woke up this morning after sleeping through breakfast, showered, dressed, (in fresh hospital gear,) and turned on the news. Fire in Catalina Island. Damn. I made some calls, checked emails by cell phone and started forwarding booking inquiries over to my agent. I was ready to leave. The day was uneventful, Until that night... when my fever started going up. It was minor, only 100.8 - but the male nurse assigned to me that night never bothered coming in to tell me that the Doctor on call didn't want me to receive meds and wanted to wait until he saw me instead. The LVN that initially took my temperature came when I rang the second time, at the end of Lost, inquiring about the meds. She was shocked that he hadn't come to see me as well. When he finally came in, carrying a potassium IV bottle for the woman in the bed next to mine, I started to get annoyed. When his answer to my question as to why he couldn't have told me soon was, "We were busy," I flipped out. I sat straight up in bed and started showing my color and my brain... since that's the only thing some people understand...

"What the fuck do you mean too busy? If you were busy I should have been your first stop because you didn't have to do shit for me! Since you're too busy to attend to me, I want the floor charge nurse. NOW. I want to file a formal complaint - because there seems to be some low level racism here. I came in just as sick on the same day as the woman, and you seem to be jumping for her yet barely have time for me. You haven't said more than 10 words to me all shift. And the fact that you were too busy to walk 5 doors down from the nurses station to tell me I couldn't get a tylenol is unacceptable."

The charge nurse, an older Black woman came down and I was calmer. I explained my disgust with him and a few other nurses that I fet were jeopardizing my care with their lack of attention to detail. I showed her my IV.

"If he had ever bothered to come in to assess me, he would have seen that my IV is clearly coming out of my arm under the tapes. But he was too busy to deliver a 10 second message. I don't want him as my nurse the remainder of my visit. I want to file a formal complaint."

She agreed and took over my care the remainder of the night. While she changed my IV, we talked about my work at the County Clinic in L.A., our families, children... pretty much everything. She was sweet, like an aunt that you could tell anything too. When she was done, I slipped on my head phones, closed my eyes and listened to a little Amy Winehouse.

Then... it happened.

That thing you hear about that happens before you die.

My life flashed before my eyes.

Sort of.

Suddenly, I saw every truly intimate moment myLove and I had every shared flashing before me. I was experiencing a sort of Le Petit Mort. Reliving every beautiful little death I'd ever experienced. Kisses at the Amy Winehouse concert, making love on my bed, running into my bathroom crying one evening when he was about to leave me - and him chasing after me... setting me on the counter to tell me that I'm his queen. I saw us sitting on my balcony smoking cigars, rolling on the living room floor when I gave him that first gift; a traveling humidor and 7 perfect Padron Anniversary's. I saw the night I gave him head during Superbowl in Jacksonville on the balcony while the fireworks went off and the cruise ships went by... I even saw things that haven't happened yet - like making love in the front seat of his car. My little death was sort of a reawakening. A reappreciation for my life. I smiled in the dark, opened my eyes and grabbed my phone.

I texted:
Lying in my hospital bed.. Back to Black in my ear.. With eyes closed, i see every passionate moment we've ever shared... Remember when you once told me that just because i had a little boyfriend that it didn't mean you weren't myMan anymore? Stands true 2day more than ever. I love my DaddyLove. Because You love me best. As always, that You for saving myLife. 4ever, or until I am disowned... YourSinn, mySalvation. :-*

I let Amy play on. The nurse came in a brought a new IV bag and I drifted off to sleep.

Yesterday morning I woke up refereshed and ready to go home. I ate my breakfast, showered, and unbraided my hair. The doctor came in and told me they wanted to keep me one more night. I wanted to go home. We were at an impasse. I explained that this was starting to get ridiculous - because I truly felt that had I actually gotten my meds the previous night as requested and not gotten angry I would have never spiked a high fever. They explained that my condition, PyeloNephritis, (translation: a really bad kidney infection,) can get into the blood stream. Their concern was that perhaps if my fever didn't break that it would do so and I could die. I understood. But for all intense and purpose, I didn't have a high fever. They consulted, and finally after hours of deliberation I was discharged.

I started writing this blog last night when I arrived home, while watching Grey's, but I got on the phone with Anthony at 10:19pm, and we cupcaked on the phone until well after 2am... he in his bed, me curled up on the sofa. I felt 16 again. He makes me feel wonderful.

Sleeping in my own bed is the single thing I love the most in this world. There is no other bed like it. It's good to be home.

Its odd to think that my little death happened, not in the moment of sex - but as a result - and a few days later. That sex with one can lead to Le Petit Mort with another - thousands of mile away and without physical manipulation of my parts. I hope every has a little death of their own this weekend. That your heart stops for one brief second and your life flashes before your eyes while you call to God in the arms of your lover.

Love is beautiful.
Sex can kill you.
... And its the most beautiful death of all
As painful as it may be.

Take it from me...
Its the only way I want to go.

love, Sinn
Blog 207: Time to be a baby...
I hate being sick
Maybe its karma for being so hard on Anthony earlier.
Either way, I'm sick.

101.5 degree fever
pain/cramping/ tenderness on my right side (the side with the remaining ovary.)

I don't do sick well.
Anthony called after his scene and said he felt bad and if I needed anything to let him know.
I took a 600 mg ibuprofen and the fever is a little better
but now I'm nauseous.
And I can't sleep.

Could it be I'm coming down with something?
Or that Anthony hit something during our Ultimate Fighting Sex Championship earlier?

My tush was bleeding for a bit after we stopped..
I know, TMI.

According to Webmd, it could be anything from a UTI, (urinary tract infection,) to my endometriosis. I think I'm going to the doctor tomorrow.

:( I hate being sick.
Anyone want to bring me soup??
Blog 206: "Don't push me 'cuz I'm close to the edge..."
...I'm trying not to lose my head."

I can't blame you
for not understanding
that I am
and always will be
the driver of this train.
That you are here
only because
I chose to make it so.
That pussy is a privilege not a right
and that just like my favorite artist
or cd
you are
not just subject
to being moved
out of rotation at any time
when something new or better comes along
but you can be taken completely out of the CD deck

Yes... Your dick is that easily replacable.

There is only one man
on earth
that can shatter my conscious
that can break me.
Your game was so see through
that I had to put my foot down.
Let you know those games you use
on 20 year old girls
won't work here.

You forgot one thing...
I slang pussy just like you slang dick
So we're at a stand still.
When you tried to make it right
by offering to give me head
before you left
I was vindicated.
As you got down on your knees
like a little bitch
to suck my clit
needing to get back in my good graces...
my dick got so hard
I couldn't help but smirk. %-)

I got you
right where you deserved to be.
"Suck my clit bitch"
ran through my head
Offer penance for the disrespect
that slid from your tongue
last night.

Did you really think
you could spend the day with me
then drop me off
to go see some young bitch
at 2am?
Nigga Please...
All that shit was foreplay
... making sure you made it to work on time
after we romped until the sun came up
the text messages all day
arranging for you to come watch the fight with me
making mimosas for us
watching the movie with your hand on my thigh...
Like a frat boy on a first date
I'm expecting to get some ass.
Don't get me wrong...
No means no.
I'm not trying to disrespect you
And would never take what's not readily given.
But don't be a clit tease.
Fuck me or don't.

But don't play games.

I'm not the one that's going to try to buy your dick
with calls about this cute watch I saw for you
or cries about how much I miss that dick
I'm not going to tell you I can't live without it
Or that you fuck me better than anyone else.
I'm not going to whine about not getting any
because you have to work
or complain that you are neglecting my pussy...
I'll just find another toy.
Because after all
you are already
The Replacement Cock.

You were smart to ask to stay the night.
You knew from my calls in the car
on our way back to the movies
that I was already making plans
with someone else for the night.
You're a smart man...
But I was already on another page.
So I let you sleep.
When I asked if you wanted to sleep on the couch
That was your que...

"You chose wisely grasshopper."

This morning could have went so smoothly
if you had just manned up
admitted you were wrong
and slid between my legs
instead of trying to go hard.
That's simple nigga mentality...
"Come give me a hug so I can go"
While you're half naked in your boxers...
What the fuck do I want to rub up against
your tight body like that
if I can't have it..?
"Put some clothes on so I can hug you goodbye."
But you had to play hard to get.
You thought you could dick train me
by refusing me what you thought I was your prized possesion.
But you are more than the sum of your parts
and you had yet to learn the most important lesson of the game

Lesson #1:
Dick is only as good as the pussy its in...

And I have the best kitty on the planet.

So you decided you had to try me...
I know your goal
was to make me cum
then leave.
That you were
to not fuck me
but you couldn't help it.
The call of my wet cunt
was too powerful to deny
you wanted it
just as much.
You knew...
that you had to try
to fuck me back into place
that you were done
that I was finished with you.
You thought,
"If I just give in a little
I can make her cum
remind her of how good this dick is
that she'll act right the rest of the day..."
but you forgot one thing...
This is MY pussy.
I just loan it to you
like books in a library
a few days at a time.
Then you have to give it back
You knew
that if you didn't
satisfy my wants
that this spoiled princess
would find another young stud
and your brief stint would be over
just as quickly
as it started.
So you tried
you fucked me
but you didn't expect me
to fuck you back
to call you out
to hold back
to refuse to cum
to make you work to get it
you understood.

Now you know
don't ever try that bullshit with me again
Step your game up
before you come to play.
I've told you before
I'm a grown ass woman.
Can I kick it with you
Without humping?
Of course.
But all that movies
and dinner
and parties
is simply foreplay for me.
If we are already knee deep in each other
why go through the motions
just to share a peck on the cheek
at the end of the night?
Its a waste of time
Yours and mine.
I could easily just be friends
then none of that would matter.
We can chill
hang out
no sex at all...
But if you ever want to tap this ass?
Don't ever make plans
after you leave me
because your only plan
should be

I told you in the beginning
I don't fuck the help.
And unless the next chick is paying you?
You should never be leaving my bed
without giving me what I want.
Work is work...
But if you are going to be
slipping in between the sheets with me
I must always be the priority.
Because I'm His Queen
And you are just here to entertain me.
And if I am going to step outside
The Royal Bed
and soil the King's sheets with your sweat and cum
the King has but one rule
I'd better be well satisfied.

That's why I was so hard on you
That's why I had to call you out
That's why I talked shit while you were inside me
That's why I offset the paradigm between us
That's why the balance of power shifted...

But that's also why once I knew
you had learned your lesson of the day
and that you knew that I wasn't "her"
That you couldn't control me by not giving it up
That I went ahead and gave it to you
let you borrow my kitty
let you feel how wet it gets when I'm pleased.
It was only then that I let myself cum
that I let you be the man
and fuck me harshly...
Knowing that you respect
this gift you have been bestowed
I was able to let down my guard
and be a woman
It was then that I
put my dick away
And let you take me.

I'm glad we had this conversation.
I'm sure we won't have any misunderstandings in the future.
Just remember...
My pussy
my rules.
I don't give a fuck
that you have a big dick between your legs.
Because I learned a long time ago
That with one of these...
I can get
as many of those
as I want.

Remember that.

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 205: Want To Come Into My Bedroom?
Hello All!

I know lots of you have been emailing me about my live webcam shows. Well I've decided to finally offer a live group webcam show... of the super sexy kind. :-) I'm thinking of inviting over my current favorite super sexy stud to bang me silly, in every hole, just for your viewing pleasure... This cam show will be through AIM/ iChat only (No Eyeball or Yahoo Messenger,) and would require a prepayment through a tribute button on my listings on Niteflirt/ Keen. This cam show would be live with audio - great lighting and yes, up close and personal imaging of me getting cock really, really good... I will be using a DV Cam - not a webcam for the show. The show would be between 30-60 minutes long. For my frequent Niteflirt/ Keen callers, I would not, unfortunately be able to offer phone cam - just cam for this.

Interested? Email me to let me know so I can start planning. Be sure to let me know what days of the week and what time of day works best for you. I am looking for a nice group of people that want to watch. If you've ever called one of my phone listings before, you know that my calls range from between 2.49 - 3.99/ minute. This cam show would run between $30-50 flat rate. I haven't decided how much I will charge for the show yet - but that will depend on how many people are interested in joining our little play time. :) If you've ever wanted to watch me be a really, really bad girl... in the comfort of my own bedroom, with someone I really like playing with... now is the time. :-)

If this works out the way I plan, and there is enough interest, I may make this a weekly thing... Until the webcam system is live on my website for members. ;-)

Now... Send those emails and let me know you want to watch!

~*~ Sinny ~*~
Blog 204: "And we'll be back in 2 and 2"
I'm having trouble getting this blog to post. Check it out here when on my myspace page.
Blog 203: Hot and Spicy aka Lust and Recipes

I went to see my stylist Terrell yesterday afternoon to have extensions put in... I wanted a different look for my upcoming role in Chemistry 4 and since Terrell is leaving tomorrow morning for 2 weeks, I needed to make sure it as done right away. I love Terrell, he is the sweetest man on earth and makes me look amazing regardless of whether its my hair or makeup he's working out. T's room mate and cousin Eva and I were both in chairs getting braided up at the same time, and when she offered me a Motrin to pre-empt the pain that would follow from the tight braiding that would commence. I love that girl... she is the best thing since sliced bread.

Terrell is the only person on the planet that I allow to touch my hair. He did my roots last week so this day wouldn't take so long. When he finished, he cut and layered the hair not with scissors, but a razor - giving it a natural fall.

My new look

Then - Anthony came by

... Yeah, We're on a first name basis now. :)

He stopped by fresh from the gym so while he hopped in the shower, I finished preparing dinner.

"Your hair looks really good - and I hate weaves. No really, it looks really good."

~*~ 2 kudos for Terrell. ~*~

I made this delicious Yellow Chicken Curry:

He came out of the shower looking absolutely delicious and asked if I needed any help in the kitchen. I declined... but somehow he wound up helping make rice. My one weakness. My sisters Mickey and Kimmy always tease me that I can make the most complicated meals... but ask me to make simple things...? Like Fried chicken or rice? And I will fuck it up everytime. :)

He grabbed some juice from the fridge then like a smart man, exited my kitchen. I can't cook with someone in the kitchen up underneath me... but that's only because I don't have the huge kitchen of my dreams yet. He'd step in for a moment, we'd talk for a few, he'd stare at me, kiss me... then go back to the living room. I brought him curry to taste, he wanted it spicier... a man after my own hot. I went back and added more cayenne pepper.


So good...

I heated up some frozen pakoras with a tamarind chutney sauce to start with... but it wasn't to his liking. I handed him a plate and asked that he a movie. He popped The Last King of Scotland in - and waited for me to join him on the sofa. I settled down but my stomach was acting a little weird and I had a hard time eating. I took mini bites, then, knowing that he was only born in 1983 - and Idi Amin was in power in Uganda 1971-1979 when even I was barely a twinkle then so young I was unaware of the atrocities he was commiting... I thought I'd share a little background on the movie's origin.

He smiled and said, "That's why I fuck with you Sinn - you know a little something about everything."

I laughed.

I'd missed attending the movie's premiere in theaters because of my dad's illness. So it was good to finally catch it. But there wass one little problem... I felt like shit. My head was pounding... like someone was stabbing my brain with a hammer and nail so I grabbed a pain killer out the cabinet and snuggled with him on the sofa. He wrapped his arm around me and we started watching Forrest Whittaker transform into Idi Amin on screen. I struggled with the headache... pausing at one point an hour in to go grab another pill.

He'd turn and look at me during a lull in the movie and kiss me. We gave it our best shot... but I was visibly in so much pain that he made a judgement call and turned off the television.

"Baby, you're in pain. Let's go to bed."

He stood up, reached his hand out for mine and helped me up. A little groggy, he lead me to my bed and I sat on the edge. He removed the pillows for me, pulled back the covers and helped me into bed. I curled up on my side and felt him lie next to me.

"Baby, Are you ok?"
"What can I do to make it better?"
"I dunno..." I mumbled.
"Do you want me to fuck you so you can go to sleep?"
"I dunno. Whatever you want to do..."

I was so tired that I couldn't really form words... He slid behind me and pulled my hips towards him.

"Can I go slow K.....?"
"Yes," I moaned as he entered me.

He moved cautiously, showing purpose and intent. He kissed my neck and gingerly brushing my skin. I moaned, so briefly intoxicated that my guard crashed to the ground. He rolled me onto my back, spread my legs and entered me - staring deep into my eyes. He kissed me, gasped, together we rocked... I felt every inch of his flesh move through my body.

"Look at me..."

And I did.

I saw him for exactly who his is... a sincere, passionate man that needs something just as badly as I do. I wrapped my legs around his waist and brought my arms around his neck... we kissed, he drove deep, air escaped my lips.

"Look at me," he demanded.
"You are so pretty..." he said while looking straight into my eyes.

My resolve already compromised, I found myself wanting to give myself to him. He staked him claim... calling it his. Taking my parts for his own. Making his presence felt... Chills ran along my spine as he swiftly moved his way in and out of my subconscious. He asked me to say things I'd normally never say... to give him something that belongs exclusively to another...

And I DID.

We collapsed facing opposite ends of the bed and I drifted off to sleep. I was awakened a few minutes later by what sounded like knocking. Thinking I was dreaming, I headed back to sleep. Then, I heard it again.

I sat up, "Do you hear that?"
"It sounds like someone at your door."

I got up and looked out the peephole.
It was security. Again.

Angry, I went back to bed. Here we were, no music, no tv, quietly enjoying one another - and yet and still someone is called to complain. Fuck them... He gave me a kiss and we curled up and went back to sleep... semen dried on my back.

This morning, I woke to see him getting dressed in the living room. I knew I had set the alarm for 8am so he could make it to the dealearship to deal with his car and laid back down for a moment. Soon he was standing over me...

"Baby its late. You set the alarm for 9 instead of 8. I gotta go."
He kissed me..
"I'll call you later. Get some rest."

I tried to get up and walk him to the door but my body wouldn't move. I went back to bed after I heard the door close shut.

Today I had a long conversation with careena. Thank God someone understands. We discussed her current arrangement with herDaddy. He is, and will always be, herOwner, yet they have recently added an adendum to her deed where she is allowed to be sublet to another. So now.. she has 2 owners. She and I have discussed my need for a similar arrangement. myLove who I have given my life to, and another person that I could share my home and day to day existence.

At the beginning of last night's festivities I asked Anthony if he thought he could share. He says he does. When queried as to how he will react when myLove returns his response was an analogy of being loaned his older brother's car...

"Its like, I have a big brother with this amazing car. And my brother is going to be out of town for a few weeks, but he handed me the keys and is letting me drive it while he's away. And this car, its beautiul, high performance with all the bells and whistles... so of course I'm going to drive it as much as I can. But I know that when my big brother returns, I have to give the keys back... because its not my car. And unless I'm willing to buy my big brother out, I don't have a choice but to give it up."

We really like each other, and spoke today briefly while he was having lunch outside with a friend. I took a nap mid-evening when my head started hurting again. My new found friend was going to come by once again tonight, but called to say goodnight as he was getting ready for bed. I promised to get some rest, he asked me not to let someone else warm his side of my bed. I smiled, he's making himself comfortable and I don't mind one bit.

He taught me a new word today...

Part of Speech: verb
Definition: 1. To sit on the phone in a quiet corner or your bed talking on the phone all night with a woman you are really into but you don't want your room mates to hear your conversation. 2. Sweet talking at a low tone with someone of the opposite sex for hours in the middle of the night.

Usage: "He was too tired to drive cross town to see his new girlfriend so he sat up cupcaking with her all night instead of playing video games with his boys."

By the way, I recommended this for Anthony and decided to recommend it to everyone else as well... I recently signed up for's word of the day. Its a free subscription and will send a word a day to your email. I think its great idea for expanding your vocabulary! :-D

~*~ Sinny ~*~

Yellow Chicken Curry Recipe

serving size
Serves 4 to 6.
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1/4 cup vegetable oil (or 2 - 3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil)
2 large chicken breasts
1 onion, chopped
1 large garlic clove, minced
2 tbsp of curry powder
3 carrots, chopped coarse
a 14- to 16-ounce can whole tomatoes including the juice
a small can of baby corn, cut into bite size pieces
1 large potato, cut into bite size pieces
1 cup chicken broth
1 1/2 cups chopped fresh pineapple
cayenne to taste
2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley leaves
cooked rice as an accompaniment

** If you don't have curry powder or you want to try to make one from scratch you can do this:
1 1/2 teaspoons turmeric
1 1/2 teaspoons ground coriander
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

In a heavy kettle heat the oil over moderately high heat until it is hot but not smoking and in it brown the chicken, patted dry, in batches, transferring it as it is browned to a bowl. Pour off all but 2 tablespoons of the fat and in the remaining fat cook the onion over moderate heat, stirring, until it is golden. Add the garlic and curry powder and cook the mixture, stirring, for 1 minute. Add the carrots, potatos, corn and tomatoes with the juice, the broth, and the chicken including any juices that have accumulated in the bowl and simmer the mixture, covered, for 30 minutes, or until the chicken is no longer pink. Transfer the chicken to a plate, boil the sauce until it is thickened slightly, and stir in the pineapple, the cayenne, and salt to taste. Simmer the mixture for 1 minute, stir in the chicken and the parsley, and serve the curry over the rice.

Serve Jasmine or Basmati rice with this dish. (Or white rice will suffice.)

Blog 202: Spottieottiedopaliscious
Why is this man in my bed...
Calling out for me to come back to bed
Because I need my sleep
and its getting hard
while I ran away.

Midstroke in our 3rd round
(or was it the 4th...?)
I had to get up and leave the room
after the shaking stopped of course.
Even his snoring is soothing...
At some point amidst our copulating
I rolled away from his embrace
turned my back
and returned to my side
of my

He reached out and grabbed me
pulled me close
hugged me tight
and for a moment
wouldn't let go.
And when he did
I swear I heard a sigh escape his lips.

"What was that about?"
"Nothing man..."

Now it was his turn
to run
to turn his back
as he rolled away from me.
So I slipped behind him
forging my body with his
and whispered in his ear...

"Tell me..."

He reiterated
but I'd protest
Because he hugged me like
he had something to say.

"What was that?"
"It was nothing," He lied.
Then finally confessed
"I just realized that you aren't mine."


So here I am...
feeling like shit
for opening the door
for sharing
for enlightening...
knowing that I'd only hurt him later
when myLove returns from the Trini sun.

I know damn well I had no business letting him warm my bath
Which got cold while we ate dinner
and talked about relationships
and why he felt confident enough
to tell me
"I'm coming over"

But when I climbed in the tub
and he sat on the rug
with a book in hand
and a glass of wine nearby
while I sank into the bubbles
I couldn't help but stare.

"I'm tired of young bitches"
He'd said on the way over
I'm making him grow up
he'd said.
"Will you go with me to Miami?"
he asked.
So I can show him how I see it.

He's craving what I give
But acknowledges that he's just filling a void
yet and still
he touches me
as if
he wants so much more.

He makes me wish...
... that I was single.



I'm fucking up.

Tonight his government passed my lips
while his parts
caressed mine.
And I came
and again
and again
and again...

This blog was supposed to be about Coachella
And The Roots
and the Party
and Lupe

but instead
I had to get this out
so maybe,
just maybe
when I go back in bed
and he reaches out to me
and pulls me in to him
I will still be able to
get to sleep.

I can't believe
We were so loud
the security guard came upstairs...
I'm going to get kicked out
of my place
fucking with this young boy...

I'll make sense of all this in the morning.

love, Me.
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